Confusion

Sin sat at the window, looking out on the night, and tried to figure out what had happened. She was still a bit stunned and thoroughly confused at Glor's reaction to her questions.

As she and Za'afiel sat at the Silver Arrow earlier, they had listened to Glor make it perfectly clear to K'ryn and Andrew that they were not welcome in Tel'Ruid. As she listened to him talk, questions formed in her mind. When Glor came to their table afterwards, she hesitantly took the opportunity to ask them.

She understood why Myra wasn't expelled from the Grey Company, why she wasn't named N'tel'quiss, truly she did. Myra was young and had made some bad choices, but her intentions were good. She was trying to uncover knowledge that would assist the community in curing those that had been afflicted with the strange malady, elf and human alike. Her actions while under Mord'Sythe's evil influence were excused because she "wasn't herself". Sinjun had no quarrel with that at all. What she couldn't understand was Glor's increasingly prejudiced attitude to the edan around the glade.

She had watched with frustration when Andrew and K'ryn had tried to warn people, when they had been silenced, ignored, or driven away with open hostility. She and Za'afiel had spoken to them. Their concern seemed real. They appeared to truly believe that Myra was a threat to the community. They seemed to have very logical arguments, but no one would listen. And then they had taken matters into their own hands and tried to eliminate the threat they saw in Myra. Sin didn't know that she approved their methods, but she could certainly understand their frustration in not being heard, in being dismissed as unimportant.

What she didn't understand now, was why Myra was afforded the benefit of the doubt and they weren't. That had been what she was trying to get Glor to explain to her. Myra's transgressions were met with understanding and people trying to help, and Andrew and K'ryn's transgression required that they be ostracized and threatened every time they came around.

When she tried to ask Glorfindle about this seeming disparity, he grew very agitated and admitted that he was the one that encouraged Myra to go through with her idea of going to Mord'Sythe to gather information. That it was all his fault that that monster had gotten his hands on her. Sinjun was finally able to understand his fierce protection of Myra, and seemingly blind defense of her. As she thought of his words, she had to agree that she probably would have done the same thing had she borne the burden of responsibility of a friend coming to harm such as Myra had. She could understand his strong defense of her.

When she asked Glorfindle if he would feel as strongly about a threat to a human or one of the fae that was part of the community, Glor had answered candidly with "No. Probably not." She appreciated his honesty, but the bigotry still hurt. She would and had, on more than one occasion, put her life on the line for the elves and the fae and the humans, all of the folk that made up the community in Tel'Ruid. She had never split them into groups, valuing one group above another. It hurt that she was viewed as an inferior edan and not as worthy as an elf when she herself had viewed them all as equal. Different, yes, but equal in value.

She told Glor that she was not trying to provoke him, she was simply trying to understand, but it didn't calm his anger and frustration and he stormed from the Silver Arrow leaving her confused and bewildered, wondering how she had worded her simple questions so wrongly that they would cause such a reaction.

Gazing out the window, she sighed deeply. It seemed that the more she tried to understand elven ways, the more she angered people. Lately, every time she had tried to open a dialogue with one of the elves about differences in opinions or views, they had gone storming off in a huff, hurling insults or sarcasm. She was not a stupid woman. She had a great curiosity and was fascinated by examining different cultures and customs. She had an open mind and a thirst for knowledge that made her ask questions. All she wanted was to understand. So why did they react so negatively to questions? Why did they respond so harshly to her own opinions when they differed from theirs? Why did they not take the opportunity to open doors and share their views and culture instead of throwing up walls and writing her off as an inferior being simply because she wasn't of their blood? Perhaps it was easier for them to dismiss her as ignorant than to explain things so that she would understand.

So now what? Did she go back and keep trying? Or did she concede that the elves wished to maintain their superior attitude in their closed society and wished none outside it to understand? No, they didn't all seem to be that way, just a handful. But how could she know who she would anger next with her questions? Could she return knowing that some of elven blood considered her inferior simply by virtue of the fact that she was human? But weren't some of them half-human, too? Did they despise their human parent so much that all humans were automatically under supsicion?

She shook her head, trying to clear the confusion. How could someone judge another based on the race of their parents? She had never understood this attitude. When she met a new person, be they elf, human, fae, drow, orc, or whatever, she met a new person. They were each afforded the same courtesy. They were each given the same chance to prove if they were friend or foe. They were not judged by silly things such as the color of their hair or the slant of their eyes or the shape of their ears or their manner of dress. They were judged by their words and actions. Individually. And generally, they were considered potential friends until they did something to warrant a change in that opinion. Even then they were afforded second or third chances. Perhaps she was naive to think that way, but she didn't know that she was capable of any sort of racial hatred or judgement. It just wasn't fair to the individual.

She sighed again, glancing over at Za'afiel who was busy at his desk, then propped her chin on her hand. Perhaps it was in the way she presented her questions and/or opinions. Perhaps she should learn to just keep quiet and not question things. But how was she to learn and understand if she did not question? She growled in frustration, causing Za'afiel to glance over with a questioning look. She simply rose and went to him. He opened his arms to her and she settled into his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. When his strong arms came around her, she felt safe and loved and valued. Her muddled thoughts drifted from her as she took comfort in his arms and slowly closed her eyes to the confusion and pain, slipping into a restless slumber.

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> Sin sat at the window, looking out on the night, and tried to figure out what had happened. She was still a bit stunned and thoroughly confused at Glor's reaction to her questions. > As she and Za'afiel sat at the Silver Arrow earlier, they had listened to Glor make it perfectly clear to K'ryn and Andrew that they were not welcome in Tel'Ruid. As she listened to him talk, questions formed in her mind. When Glor came to their table afterwards, she hesitantly took the opportunity to ask them. > She understood why Myra wasn't expelled from the Grey Company, why she wasn't named N'tel'quiss, truly she did. Myra was young and had made some bad choices, but her intentions were good. She was trying to uncover knowledge that would assist the community in curing those that had been afflicted with the strange malady, elf and human alike. Her actions while under Mord'Sythe's evil influence were excused because she "wasn't herself". Sinjun had no quarrel with that at all. What she couldn't understand was Glor's increasingly prejudiced attitude to the edan around the glade. > She had watched with frustration when Andrew and K'ryn had tried to warn people, when they had been silenced, ignored, or driven away with open hostility. She and Za'afiel had spoken to them. Their concern seemed real. They appeared to truly believe that Myra was a threat to the community. They seemed to have very logical arguments, but no one would listen. And then they had taken matters into their own hands and tried to eliminate the threat they saw in Myra. Sin didn't know that she approved their methods, but she could certainly understand their frustration in not being heard, in being dismissed as unimportant. > What she didn't understand now, was why Myra was afforded the benefit of the doubt and they weren't. That had been what she was trying to get Glor to explain to her. Myra's transgressions were met with understanding and people trying to help, and Andrew and K'ryn's transgression required that they be ostracized and threatened every time they came around. > When she tried to ask Glorfindle about this seeming disparity, he grew very agitated and admitted that he was the one that encouraged Myra to go through with her idea of going to Mord'Sythe to gather information. That it was all his fault that that monster had gotten his hands on her. Sinjun was finally able to understand his fierce protection of Myra, and seemingly blind defense of her. As she thought of his words, she had to agree that she probably would have done the same thing had she borne the burden of responsibility of a friend coming to harm such as Myra had. She could understand his strong defense of her. > When she asked Glorfindle if he would feel as strongly about a threat to a human or one of the fae that was part of the community, Glor had answered candidly with "No. Probably not." She appreciated his honesty, but the bigotry still hurt. She would and had, on more than one occasion, put her life on the line for the elves and the fae and the humans, all of the folk that made up the community in Tel'Ruid. She had never split them into groups, valuing one group above another. It hurt that she was viewed as an inferior edan and not as worthy as an elf when she herself had viewed them all as equal. Different, yes, but equal in value. > She told Glor that she was not trying to provoke him, she was simply trying to understand, but it didn't calm his anger and frustration and he stormed from the Silver Arrow leaving her confused and bewildered, wondering how she had worded her simple questions so wrongly that they would cause such a reaction. > Gazing out the window, she sighed deeply. It seemed that the more she tried to understand elven ways, the more she angered people. Lately, every time she had tried to open a dialogue with one of the elves about differences in opinions or views, they had gone storming off in a huff, hurling insults or sarcasm. She was not a stupid woman. She had a great curiosity and was fascinated by examining different cultures and customs. She had an open mind and a thirst for knowledge that made her ask questions. All she wanted was to understand. So why did they react so negatively to questions? Why did they respond so harshly to her own opinions when they differed from theirs? Why did they not take the opportunity to open doors and share their views and culture instead of throwing up walls and writing her off as an inferior being simply because she wasn't of their blood? Perhaps it was easier for them to dismiss her as ignorant than to explain things so that she would understand. > So now what? Did she go back and keep trying? Or did she concede that the elves wished to maintain their superior attitude in their closed society and wished none outside it to understand? No, they didn't all seem to be that way, just a handful. But how could she know who she would anger next with her questions? Could she return knowing that some of elven blood considered her inferior simply by virtue of the fact that she was human? But weren't some of them half-human, too? Did they despise their human parent so much that all humans were automatically under supsicion? > She shook her head, trying to clear the confusion. How could someone judge another based on the race of their parents? She had never understood this attitude. When she met a new person, be they elf, human, fae, drow, orc, or whatever, she met a new person. They were each afforded the same courtesy. They were each given the same chance to prove if they were friend or foe. They were not judged by silly things such as the color of their hair or the slant of their eyes or the shape of their ears or their manner of dress. They were judged by their words and actions. Individually. And generally, they were considered potential friends until they did something to warrant a change in that opinion. Even then they were afforded second or third chances. Perhaps she was naive to think that way, but she didn't know that she was capable of any sort of racial hatred or judgement. It just wasn't fair to the individual. > She sighed again, glancing over at Za'afiel who was busy at his desk, then propped her chin on her hand. Perhaps it was in the way she presented her questions and/or opinions. Perhaps she should learn to just keep quiet and not question things. But how was she to learn and understand if she did not question? She growled in frustration, causing Za'afiel to glance over with a questioning look. She simply rose and went to him. He opened his arms to her and she settled into his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. When his strong arms came around her, she felt safe and loved and valued. Her muddled thoughts drifted from her as she took comfort in his arms and slowly closed her eyes to the confusion and pain, slipping into a restless slumber.
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