Draft 3 - 2 March 1998

This draft of the Charter of the Grey Company was rejected for obvious reasons. =)

Description

Company Goals

The Grey Company represents the evil, fascist interests of our leader, Tizer, in Britannia on the shard of Lake Superior, particularly gathering the heads of those who offend our dictator. Tizer provides a socialist society, forcing friendships among the Elves here, bestowing punishments on those worthy of such, and titling the most esteemed non-Elves Elf-Friend for uses of propaganda. Tizer encourages Nazi role-playing, goose-stepping, and battle, and provides a resource for the spread of fascism.

History

Founded in a beer hall in 1992 in the lands around Bavaria, the Grey Company was sanctioned in December of that year, then attained Private status one year later. In the Summer 1997, the beer hall was destroyed, and Tizer was homeless until Fall 1997 when the he moved to Yew, Britannia in Ultima Online.

More information can be found at: http://homepages.nci2000.net/brisid/history/

Membership Requirements

Race and Alignment

Must be evil, of Elven blood, and must kiss the ass of Tizer. Both Elves and Half-Elves may join provided they follow Tizer's words blindly.

Due to the current problems with Ultima Online's notoriety system, members are not required to uphold a positive notoriety, and evil notoriety is strongly encouraged.

Elven Behavior

Elves generally do not see Good and Evil in the absolute Black and White shades of Mortality, but rather, we follow Tizer blindly. Tizer's chaotic and immoral mentality is indicative of a love of himself, drunk with power, and not limited by a sense of personal responsibility for his own actions.

The Elven Way

All Elves follow the way:

No Elf shall do intentional harm to another Elf without Tizer's permission. In the case where an Elf acts with malicious intent, he shall be beaten down by other Elves, unless of course it was sanctioned by El Duce.

This pact binds all of Elven blood. Any Elf found to be in violation of the Way through action or inaction shall be killed (U'Pissa'Tizoff).

Extra-Guild Membership

While a member of The Grey Company, the chances are very good that no other guild will want you anywhere near them.

Membership Application

Those wishing membership to the company must complete the following Application steps:

History

An application containing a role-playing history of the character must be posted in the guild Public Folder. (http://www.cavecreek.com/wolfsden/GreyCompany/Public/)

Character histories may occur in any major world wars, underground movements spiriting fascism, or in established dictatorships. If the history does not occur in Brittania, the writer must provide a reasonable explanation of how the character arrived in Britannia (i.e. train to a death camp).

Histories are judged primarily on how much brown-nosing is done for Tizer. Any problems with grammar, spelling, etc. and the applicant will be put to death.

Butt-kissing is the major factor in the admission process.

Interaction

While their application is processed, applicants should spend time with company members. However, great care should be taken to avoid Strongbow. This is because Strongbow is the evil, leg-breaking, right-hand elf of Tizer. He is a moody bastard who has been known to bite the heads off of applicants and piss down their necks. As a matter of fact, he has been known to do this to members as well. In the words of a famous edan president, around Strongbow... "walk softly because he is a big dick." Or something like that, I forget exactly. Applicants are also encouraged to participate in verbal abuse, or start their own fascist regime, but of course, beware of being caught.

Sponsorship

Applicants must obtain the sponsorship of a current member. This member should be "familiar" with the applicant. For those of you with weaker stomachs, I will spare you the definition of "familiar."

Admission

To admit an applicant, a majority of Council members (discussed in section V.C) must approve the application. Great care must be given to disapprove of any applicant sponsered by Laerithil. Make it look good by waiting a long time, but make sure the applicant is denied. This will generate more propaganda for our evil, fascist leader.

Upon admission, members are granted access to private areas of the guild, all of the applicants gold and items will be forfeited to the guild, and the applicant must chose to "fight" or "love" his/her way of initiation.

More information for the Application Process can be found at: http://homepages.nci2000.net/brisid/scrypool/application.htm

Membership Status

Active

A member shall be considered Active if they have a pulse AND participate in Ultima Online AND guild meetings AND discussions at least once per three (3) consecutive months. (Bloodglade is excluded from the pulse requirement).

Inactive

Any member in good standing who is not active for three (3) consecutive months shall be tortured until he renews his admiration and worship of our beloved dictator.

Retired

Any member who ceases to maintain the minimum requirements for membership in the Company or is Inactive for over six (6) months shall be shot in a mob-style execution and left in the trunk of a Buick. This will serve as notice to the member of his or her termination of guild membership.

Outcast (U'Pissa'Tizoff)

Any member who becomes (or is held to be) Good, democratic or who violates the accord of the Elven Way is held to be an Outcast and an enemy of the company and all evil Elves everywhere. His name shall be smeared thought the annals of history and anyone encountering him should give him a good beating.

Dress Uniforms

Members who participate in in-game ceremonies may be requested and required to wear their dress uniform by the organizer of the ceremony. This uniform will consist only of a cloak dyed a particular dark gray, a brown shirt, highly-polished black boots, and a red arm band will be provided to all members.

Other attire worn to such ceremonies will result in the member being executed by impalement.

Positions and Responsibilities

Company Command

Captain - El Duce in all but name.

First Lieutenant - This is the brainless 2nd in command. A puppet position to create the feeling that there truly is another opinion being considered by our beloved leader, but in fact, it is someone just plain too stupid and too harmless to threaten the leader. Commands in El Duce's absence; yeah, like that's ever going to happen.

Company Staff

Any of the following positions may be awarded and will be immediately accepted:

Chronicler - The Minister of Propoganda -- Records guild writings, beliefs and psychological warfare and makes them available to the public. The person filling this position must be willing to work extremely long and tedious hours without complaint. Having no life is a prerequisite for this position.

Priest - A priest of Correllon Larethian and Minister of Discipline. Handles religious guild events, and any undesirables that offend our mighty leader. The primary prerequisite for this position is being a complete bastard.

Swordsmaster - Leader of the Bladesingers and Minister of Guild Expansion. Trains members in the arts of battle, and applies these arts in the acquisition of attractive neighboring lands. A Conan-like "strength of steel" belief is the primary prerequisite for this position.

Council

The five officers listed above plus two (2) other general Council members form the Council. The general Council members are chosen at the discretion of Tizer... now isn't that convenient.

Appointments and Terms

Officers are determined by a majority vote of the guild members, but subject to Tizer's approval. Officers remain in office until Tiz wishes to dispose of them. Tizer's position shall never be questioned, under penalty of death.

Guild Meetings

General

Guild meetings are to be held at least once every three (3) consecutive months. Additional guild meetings may be called under the discretion of the Captain.

Protocol

It is a well-known fact that meetings breed chaos, and that chaos is healthy in any dictatorship, therefore, meetings are to be promoted as often as possible. Participants of meetings are to follow the following protocol while the meeting is in session. These protocols may be overridden at the discretion of the Meeting Leader.

The Meeting Leader

The highest-ranking officer or a member chosen by the highest-ranking officer present shall conduct the meeting.

Topic Process

Each topic shall progress under the following process:

Call for Discussion

If a new topic has been presented to the Meeting Leader for discussion, and if the Meeting Leader determines that there is not much opposition for or against the topic, this will be too boring for the members to stand and there will be no discussion. The Meeting Leader will find a juicier topic to proceed with.

If the Meeting Leader determines that there is significant opposition for or against the topic, this step will be omitted and Discussion of the subject and chaos shall begin.

Discussion

The Floor

Only the member who is granted The Floor is permitted to speak on the current discussion topic. However, all those listening may cast out insults, slurs and non-helpful remarks at any time. If the member who has The Floor says anything negative about our dictator, the Meeting Leader may revoke the Floor from that member.

The Floor is granted when the Meeting Leader feels like getting around to it. Tizer will let the member know when he or she has finished their comment, they should say "Done" to signify their release of The Floor, or the Priest of Discipline will promptly have them drawn and quartered.

All side insults and barbs are encouraged and must be sent via private messages, such as ICQ-Messages or Whispering.

Requesting The Floor

Those that wish to contribute to the current discussion topic must say "!" if they have a comment, or "?" if they have a question. Their request is recorded in a queue by the Meeting Leader, but only if the Meeting Leader feels that they will add something valuable to the conversation instead of the usual picky and inane garbage that the person usually comes up with. The member may speak only when the Meeting Leader calls on them.

Conclusion of Discussion

Discussion shall end when no other members are left with any brain activity. Forturnately, some members start at this point to quicken the process.

Voting or Postponement of Decision

Postponement of Decision

If the Meeting Leader or majority vote of the members determines that there has not been enough fighting and abuse on the discussion topic the Meeting Leader may postpone decision of the topic until the next meeting. Topics may be postponed a maximum of one (1) guild meeting.

Voting

After Discussion has been completed, if the topic has not been postponed, the topic shall be voted upon.

Each member receives one (1) vote. Each member may vote for or against the topic, or abstain.

Members should check with Tizer as to how they should cast their vote.

The Captain will vote only if a tie has been staged to give the impression of democracy.

Changing Topics

Only the Meeting Leader may change the current discussion topic. Requests to change the subject must be sent privately to the Meeting Leader, either by ICQ-Messages or Whispering. Additional funds should be attached to help your cause.

Violations a/k/a The Laerithil Rule

Members who flagrantly violate Protocol will be issued a warning by the Meeting Leader. Further Protocol violations will result in the ejection of the offending member. The offending member may be allowed back into the meeting after two minutes. Further flagrant violations will result in permanent ejection from the current meeting. At this point, the Priest of Discipline, at his discretion, may devise a torture for the offending elf.

Honors and Titles

Officer Titles

All officers have the option of displaying their position as a title in Ultima Online. This will be the subject of much whining, sniveling, back-stabbing, complaining, griping and crying. Anyone without a title should grow up, Glade has to hear it from his two-year old, he doesn't want to hear it here as well.

Honors

The Grey Company recognizes members who have made significant achievements in their trades. This shall also be the subject of much whining, sniveling, back-stabbing, complaining, griping and crying.

Ohtar (Warrior of Love)

To receive the honor of Ohtar, a member must meet the following requirements.

Skill Requirements

The candidate must meet the following skills at time of testing, without magical influence:

82 Skill in at least one of: Swordsmanship, Mace Fighting, Fencing, or Wrestling

82 Skill in Tactics

20 Skill in Parrying

An image of these skills (image-capture) must be sent to an officer prior to testing.

Ability Test

The candidate must be able to French-kiss a Lizardman under the following conditions:

• An officer must be present to witness the entire smooch.
• The Lizardman must be at full health at the beginning of this kiss.
• The candidate will not use other skills in preparation for or during the kiss.
• The kiss will not be influenced by any outside sources, and the Lizardman must be groping the candidate during the entire kiss.
• The candidate can use only non-magical armor and weapons for added kinkiness.

Elf-Friend Status for Non-Elves

General

As the sole official presence of Elven Society in Yew, the Grey Company reserves for itself the right to bestow the status of Elf-Friend upon those found worthy of the honor. This honor is commensurate with how much money the Elf-friend is willing to part with.

Procedure

A member must nominate a non-member to be named an Elf-Friend. The candidate will receive the honor if a unanimous vote of the guild membership supports the action.

Qualifications

Elf-Friends must be non-evil, and not of Elven blood. Suggested traits may be great services in the cause of Elf-kind, or unswervingly good, non-biased conduct, with a view towards greater freedom AND, donating at house to the Grey Company.

Benefits

Elf-Friends enjoy the friendship and fellowship of the Company at large.

Amendments to the Charter

Proposed amendments are made to the Captain and First Lieutenant. At the next guild meeting, the issue will be voted upon by the membership.

Draft 2 - 2 March 1998

About this Document

The contents of the Hidden Charter are categorized as information to be kept classified within The Grey Company. The sole purpose of this document is to prevent the evil of Laer from spreading and infecting other players. This document's contents and existence are to be denied to all except members of The Grey Company and Elf-Friends of The Grey Company.

Additions to the Membership Application Process

Waiting Period

A period of one (1) month must pass after an applicant has filed their history before final judgement is passed regarding their application.

Guild Participation

Applicants must repeatedly participate in Guild events, i.e.- Public board discussions, in-game activities, etc. Unless a reasonable excuse is volunteered, those applicants who do not meet this requirement are to be rejected.

Denying Anyone Proposed by Laer

Laer should be encouraged to try to recruit as many new members as possible. Then, we will try to delay their applications as much as possible just to piss-off Laer. We will also make our admission standards as vague as possible to add further frustration. Then of course, when he gets good and frustrated, we will deny the applicant. Shhhhh... don't anyone tell Laer!

Additions to the Elf-Friend Application Process

Waiting Period

A period of one (1) month must pass after a member has nominated a non-member to become an Elf-Friend.

Donation of House

The Elf-friend will be required to donate one two-story house to the guild for guild use.

Titles and Laer

Only the officers can have titles. However, in further efforts to infuriate Laer, many ambiguous and arbitrary titles will be awarded to everyone in the guild... Except Laer! The following have been proposed:

Tizer - The Fascist Leader of Our Peoples

Tgray - The Lucky Bastard Who Gets Way Too Much OOC Sex from his Wife

Cori - One Who Dances and Wiggles

Vail - One Who Plays Hanky Panky with Nal

Nal - One With the Quickest Hands after a Kill

Bri - Poor Dumb Bastard Who must Type Up and Chronaclize Every Last Thing

Cat - Moody, Grumpy and Miserable Bastard Who Will Bite Your Head Off!

Rav - One Who Gave Glade a Key to his House and a Chest and is Therefore Exempt from Insults

Huntress - One Who Would Be Ambassador

Rik - One Who Thinks with his Sword

Glade - One who refuses to be elf-like, much to the regret of everyone in the guild.