ARIES

Well what a great day to get a tan! Of course, being a perfectionist, you strip down to your birthday suit to eliminate those unsightly tan lines. Unfortunately, you overdid the alcoholic beverages juuuuuust a bit and you fall asleep on your back.... for 6 hours! Remember today's theme?

TAURUS

You and The Better Half (TBH) can't seem to play nice together. It seems that you've been yelling at TBH the whole time about not listening to you and doing exactly as you say. As luck would have it, a nasty little sewer rat starts to bother you in hit and run attacks. Stealthily the two of you sneak up on the little rat, and you whisper to TBH "Let's see if you can get this right... Now when I nod my head, you hit it." Guess what?

GEMINI

Gals, you spend the whole time complaining to that special guy that you keep on getting sand in your suit. Growing weary of your complaining, when you take a little nap.... he buries you. Guys, while you and that special gal are lying on the beach, a bully comes up and kicks sand in your faces... just like on the matchbooks! Your gal, now unimpressed with you, leaves you for him! Being a clever guy, you cast a strength spell, find the bully, and beat him into a pulp. But now your gal thinks you're a savage brute and stays with him anyway.

CANCER

Child rebellion at the beach! It seems that no one brought any milk? Luckily, a well-intentioned (but bumbling) mage tries to conjure a cow, but only succeeds in transforming you into one. The thirsty mob of children rush up to you, pulling your ears and screaming into them that they want milk. Unfortunately, you spend your day like this.... in one ear, and out the udder.

LEO

Being the tanning type, you get yourself all set up. Blanket, radio, cocktail, and suntan lotion. Unfortunately, you don't notice a mischievous person switching your lotion with rogaine. Now... "you're not just a member, you're the president!"

VIRGO

You come across a child on the beach building a rather large sandcastle. Turrets, drawbridge, a moat... the whole nine yards! You comment to the little chap on what a fine job he has done. The proud young man warns you that there is even a monster in the moat. Being a good sport, you stick your toe in the moat and say "Oh no, I hope the big bad monster doesn't get me." A pair of tentacles come out of the moat and pull you under, never to be seen again.

LIBRA

Lord British gets into the swing of things by introducing into the beach party a wondrous invention called a "Frisbee". This looks like it will be great fun! Unfortunately, British has a bit of a morbid side to him. Remember Oddjob from the James Bond movie Goldfinger?

SCORPIO

Oh bad news... folks at the beach party find out that you are actually a UO gm. And people aren't' very happy about the lag situation which was "fixed" months ago. But a fight arises about your demise. Half of the attendees want to bury you up to your head in the sand at low tide and let it come in. The other half want to bury you up to your head in the sand and cover you with honey, several hundred feet from an ant hill. Finally a compromise is reached. They bury you up to your head and cover you with honey, on the beach at low tide, while still located several hundred feet from the ant hill. Now here's the good part, during your agonizing wait (only enhanced by the lag) you wonder, will I die by drowning... will I die by being eaten alive by ants... or will I die by starvation BECAUSE WITH THE STUPID LAG IT COULD BE DAYS BEFORE EITHER REACHES ME AND I WILL STARVE!!!!!

SAGITTARIUS

Gals, good fortune smiles upon you. You elected queen of the beach party! And when it's time to meet your king.... there's old Glade in a speedo, waiting with suntan lotion for you to get those "hard to reach" places. Guys, the gals grow weary of that nasty butt-crack that you've been parading around the beach. So one of the gals casts a "magic lock" on your shorts when you're standing upright... and it works like a charm! No more butt-crack. Of course, when you have to go to the bathroom...

CAPRICORN

While out for a leisurely swim in the deeper parts you could swear that something brushed against your foot. Then you overhear Richard Dreyfus yelling on the shore... "This was not a boating accident!"

AQUARIUS

Great news! Tizer decides to reward you for your patience in working with Tael and Laer. Tiz decides that at the beach party, Tael and Laer are yours to do with as you wish! Your mind races. What to do? Finally, with an evil grin, you announce that they are to be tied down to a raft and set adrift off the coast to die of exposure. That'll teach 'em! Oddly enough... several months later when UO's 2nd Age comes out, you take a ship over to the new land and upon reaching the harbor you see a large sign: "Welcome to the new land.... ruled by.... Tael and Laer".

PISCES

Gals.... you can't believe how popular you are with the guys. You knew that your were rather attractive, but geez! They can't keep away from you! The bad news is, remember the guy in the tailor shop who guaranteed you that your white bikini would not turn transparent when you got it wet? Guys.... the nautical buff in you is dying to get out, so you grab a small row boat and head out onto the high seas off the beach. However, the sea gets choppy, and the waves start to crash down upon you. And you think to yourself.... I don't have to turn back, I know my small row boat can do this, I know my small rowboat can handle these waves! Bad news... you drown. The morale of this story? Guys, don't go thinking with your dinghy.