ARIES

Bad news ladies, this week your mustache hair grows by 10-fold. The good news is, the carnival is hiring. Guys beware of the telephone call in the wee hours of the morning� the mother-in-law just broke up with the father-in-law and she's moving in with you.

TAURUS

Towards the end of the week you will end up locked in a tavern with Bloodglade�. and ten boxes of prune juice. While trying to tunnel out through the floor of the bar, you will make the fatal mistake of lighting a match for light.

GEMINI

This week your boss calls you in the office and accuses you of downloading computer porn at work. Much to your relief, the boss doesn't find any� but does find your UO game.

CANCER

Guys, while taking a "potty break" you will hear the angry roar of a charging ettin come from the computer� in your rush to get back to the game you will have a terrible zipper mishap, which will make the death of your character the least of your problems. Ladies, your misfortune shall occur when nature calls in the middle of the night, and your respective other left the toilet seat up�. OH that water is cold at 3 a.m.

LEO

Lord British makes a bank error in your favor! You find 50,000 extra gold pieces in your vault. However, upon leaving the bank the game freezes and the vultures in the streets pick your backpack clean.

VIRGO

You are stricken with amnesia this week in the town of Yew. Lord British happens to be touring the streets of Yew, and you pester him endlessly about where you are. Losing patience with your barrage of questions, he tells you he has the answer to your question and locks you in the stockade and covers you with pig-slop�. This causes all of the Yew residents to walk by and exclaim�.. eYew!

LIBRA

Guys, the gods smile upon you and you meet the IC girl of your dreams. Of course, this turns out to be Strongbow's female alter-ego. Ladies�.. you will also meet the IC guy of your dreams and guess what� same thing! ROFL

SCORPIO

One night this week you will have a nightmare wherein you are being chased by a pack of large hairy trolls. In the melee that ensues, trolls fall on you threatening to suffocate you� and you actually have to rip and chew your way out of the pile! Mouthful after mouthful of hairy flesh� yuck! When you wake up, you are relieved that it was just a dream� but your cat is missing.

SAGITTARIUS

You buy a new house in UO and find your perfect spot to place it. Unfortunately upon doing so, you notice a wrinkled pair of legs sticking out from under the house with a pair of ruby slippers on the feet. Oh you know the rest of the story�.

CAPRICORN

While out sailing in UO you come across an island that isn't even on the map. "AHA!" you exclaim, "finally the game has introduced something new." It is then that you run into the skipper, professor, Mary Ann, Ginger and the Howell's� and they keep calling you Gilligan. When you turn around to leave� your ship has mysteriously vanished.

AQUARIUS

Great news! You have been elected the new Captain of TGC!! Upon stepping up to the podium to make your acceptance speech, you see nothing but clones of Tael and Laer in the crowd.

PISCES

"Into everyone's life, a little rain must fall" In keeping with that saying, the UO gm's introduce rain into UO. Of course with the accompanying bug, you see your house washed off of the UO mainland.